When your loved ones aren't mind readers

It would be really convenient if people could just read our minds so we'd never have to explain our thoughts (...but I guess it's probably a good thing if your thoughts are like mine -- not always kind or accurate ). I'm pretty good at articulating my thoughts in writing, but when it comes to letting them out of my mouth? Not so much -- especially when emotions get involved. I turn into a bumbling, crying mess. It's super fun for everyone involved.

But I decide to do it anyway, because that's how we live in integrity. 

Holding back or hiding your feelings might feel like you're doing the people around you a favor, but it can actually be even more harmful than telling the truth. Pretending nothing's wrong when you're hurting inside is damaging to your own spirit, and that comes out eventually in some way, whether a direct eruption or indirect toxic gas. Neither pretty nor healthy for anyone involved.

A big part of this imperfect mortal experience is sharing our time here with family, friends, and associates. This pushes us outside of ourselves and forces us to grow. The problem is they're all imperfect and mortal as well, so hurting each other is inevitable -- even with the best of intentions.

So how do we communicate in a way that's clear and effective? I will never claim to be a communication expert, but here are some things that work for me when a tough talk is required.

1. Start with love. Try to see the other person's point of view and understand where they might be coming from. Do the work ahead of time, to see if there are things you've been missing. This is harder than just letting the words spew out in the moment, but it's well worth the extra effort.
2. Open your mind with curiosity. Ask questions to genuinely understand and bridge gaps between what you see and what they see. 
3. Own the result. Don't communicate with the purpose of the other person changing anything. Communicate to share how you're feeling, and to let them know what you'll be doing differently. Ask for ideas if you'd like, but own your part.
4. Speak from your true identity, to their true identity. As a child of God, you both have infinite worth. And both of your thoughts and needs matter equally. You both deserve to be heard. Let there be room for it all.
5. Let it sting. Sometimes it has to hurt a little. Don't fall for the lie that you're a failure if people around you are ever uncomfortable. Commit to total honesty, even when it's hard for the other person to hear. Trust them to receive your words the way they need to, and be ready to follow it with extra love.

I'm sure there are plenty of other tips out there -- I'd love to hear yours in the comments or on social media!